Last Updated on 1st August, 2019 by Dr Shivangi
It’s heartbreaking to know that your child doesn’t trust you.
I have a friend, Ruchika who doesn’t trust her Mom! And I was shocked to know this.
Because parents are the most trustworthy people for any child. This trust is the nature’s gift to them.
But, why Ruchika couldn’t trust her mother? Why children distrust parents?
I am sure you want to know the reason; why your child doesn’t trust you!
But first, let me give a brief about Ruchika!
A brief story of how children distrust parents
Ruchika shared her fears, anxiety, and problems with her mother Shashikala. She rushed to hug her when she got hurt while playing or someone bullied her in school.
However, as the years passed by, she lied to her mom. When she lost her history book, her class-teacher scolded her, she forgot to do a household chore, she told a lie.
Further, as she grew into a teenager, she had a crush on her classmate. But she didn’t tell her mom, who came to know from her close friends. Consequently, the distance between Ruchika and her mother deepened. Their parent child relationship grew more complex and sour.
Enquiring further about her mother and their relationship, I realised why children distrust parents.
Many a times parents say things or do something which can break their child’s trust on them. And then children start lying or hide things from their parents.
So, here are the parenting mistakes or the reasons children distrust parents along with the ways to build trust with your kids.
Why Children Distrust Parents?
1. Telling a lie to your child
You always teach your son/ daughter to speak the truth; never to tell a lie. But, what if you tell a lie to your child?
Ruchika saw her mother lying to her sister-in-law for a petty issue of not attending the family function at the in-law’s house.
Now, can you expect your child to trust you in such circumstances? Can you expect him to understand the value of speaking the truth?
2. Scolding your child when he admits his mistakes
I don’t say “Don’t scold your child” over his mistakes. That’s necessary to make him learn what is right and wrong.
But scolding has a way. Majority parents yell and shout at their child when he admits his mistake.
One such case happened with Ruchika. By mistake, she had written a wrong answer to a question in her examination. After realising this, she told this to her mother expecting her to be happy with her habit of telling the truth. Instead, she received a severe scolding from her.
That day she realised it’s futile to speak the truth and lost trust in her mother’s words.
This was obvious! On one hand, you tell your child to speak the truth and on the other you reject him. The way you shout and scold on his mistake surmounts to rejection and the child loses trust in you.
3. Making your child feel embarrassed in front of others
If ever Ruchika shared her feelings with her mother, she would share them with neighbours and make her feel embarassed.
It’s OK to share your problems with friends and neighbours, and even take their help for solutions. However, don’t complain to them about your child OR share his/her secrets with them.
4. Making unrealistic promises to your child
It’s always said, if you promise, keep up with it. If you can’t, don’t promise.
Ruchika’s father always promised to take her to Disneyland if she scores well in her exams. But after the exams, he made lame excuses for not fulfilling his promise.
5. Comparing or criticising your child
Comparing or criticising your child makes him lose trust in you and injures his self-confidence.
Though Ruchika was a bright student, her mother was never satisfied with her marks. She used to compare her with other children who ranked first among the class or were more intelligent and capable than her.
6. Encroaching on the child’s privacy
You must be vigilant on what your child does and says, what his company is, and where he goes to ensure his safety. However, keeping an eye on your child’s activities doesn’t mean you encroach on his privacy. Like ask one child to report the other’s actions or search his room in his absence.
Ruchika’s mother did the same. She opened her cupboards in her absence to peep into her personal diary.
7. Not trusting your child
Ruchika’s mother didn’t trust her. She was always suspicious that Ruchika was hiding something from her, which she craved to know from her personal diary. This mistrust made Ruchika lose trust in her.
Trust is always a two-way lane. If you want someone to trust you, you must trust him first.
Conclusion on Why Children Distrust Parents
Children distrust parents for a reason.
If you feel “My child doesn’t trust me”, INTROSPECT. Introspect and find out what wrong you have said or done that made him lose trust in you.
Trust between a child and a parent is very strong. It can’t break unless you:
- Speak lies to your child
- Do not keep up with your promises with him
- Shout at him when he admits his mistakes
- Share his secrets with others
- Constantly compare or criticise him
- Don’t respect his privacy or his emotions
- Don’t trust him
If you find yourself doing any such mistakes, STOP IMMEDIATELY!
And follow these ways to build (and win) the trust with your child. Trust which is imperishable and ever-lasting.
Do you know any more reasons why children distrust parents? Share in the comments below!
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