This post is about 10 easy ways on how to get kids to listen without yelling. (By my 60-year-old Mom; for toddlers to pre-teen kids)
“Aunty aap Aayush ko samjhao. Aajkal to ye meri koi baat nahi sunta.” (Aunty, please help! My son doesn’t listen to me)
That day my neighbour came to my mother for help with her 5-year-old son.
Passing through the society lane, I hear mothers complaining about their kids:
“Aajkal to ye bahut ziddi ho gaya hai” (My kid is very obstinate)
“Ab toh ye kisi ka kehna nahi manta” (My child doesn’t listen to me)
“I am fed up. My children don’t listen. In fact, they talk back.”
I came rushing to my Mom and told this to her. “Mom, is it really true?” “Are today’s kids really disobedient and don’t listen to their parents?”
My mom nodded in affirmation.
That’s when I realised the gravity of the problem. Today, thousands of parents struggle to make their child listen and obey their requests. Whether it’s keeping their toys in place, sit still while eating, switch off the TV or other things, parents feel that children have stopped paying attention to what they say.
Curious, I went again to her and asked, “Mom, then how to get kids to listen? Is there any solution to this problem?
My Mom passed a smile…her smile was telling that there is one. Ah! My Mom’s kitty is always filled with solutions. She lets no one go without a solution.
I asked her again, “How to get kids to listen? What you told our neighbours?”
So, for those who are serious to know how to get kids to listen, I am sharing her solution in this post.
This is important
Why today’s kids don’t listen to their parents?
…..kyunki aajkal ke bacche hi aise hain, I said! (Because today’s kids are like that, disobedient)
Hmm…. that not’s the reason, my child. Here’s why today’s kids don’t listen to their parents:
Today’s parents don’t spend quality time with their kids
My Mom showed me something crazy on the net.
96,728 parents in India admitted their biggest parenting challenge: “I don’t have enough time to spend with my child.” (Courtesy: https://flintobox.com/blog/parenting/parenting-challenge)
When parents aren’t able to give enough time to their kids because they are working or busy over their smartphones (as with our neighbour), children can’t bond and connect with them.
Bonding and deep relationships develop only when two people spend quality time and exchange their feelings with each other.
Mom, is that the reason Aayush feels happy and listens to you when he is at our home? Because he connects with you easily, right?
“Yes”, said my Mom.
Related content: How to Spend Quality Time with Kids Even When you are Busy?
Parents fulfil all their child’s demands
Most parents, right from the beginning, fulfil all the demands of their child whether the child needs it or not. The child just utters a word and the parents are at his service.
They do so to keep the child satisfied and happy. They can’t tolerate if he cries or throws tantrums.
But, such behaviour conditions a child’s mind. He understands that his parents won’t risk getting him annoyed and he can have his own way every time. So, once he becomes accustomed to doing things his own way, why will he listen to them?
When parents bribe the child to make him listen and obey
Shivangi, have you heard parents saying?
“Beta meri baat manega toh tujhe cheez lakar dungi” (If you listen to me, I will buy you a chocolate, a toy or anything you wish)
This is clear bribing- “You listen and I will buy you what you want.” This way the child develops a habit of not listening to the parents unless they buy him something.
When parents neglect the child’s first mistake
The vivid proof is Aayush who has started speaking many bad words. He has the habit of saying “Ullu banaya” whenever he jokes around. And his mother laughs at his words.
It seems very insignificant, but the words don’t sound good. There’s a better way of saying it like “I was joking” OR “Main mazak kar raha tha”. However, laughing over the child’s mistakes only propels him to do more.
So, be it small or big, a mistake is a mistake. Don’t expect perfectionism from your child. But, parents should make him understand what is right and what is wrong.
Mom, that means when parents don’t spend quality time with their kids or pamper them in various ways, they inculcate disobedience in him. And this disobedience increases as the child grows into a teen.
So, how to get kids to listen?
Most parents shout, yell, or hit the child to make him listen. But, here my Mom will tell you about how to get kids to listen without yelling at them. (Yes, that’s possible!)
- Spend quality time with your child, irrespective of his age; a time where you talk less and listen more. Listen to what your child says, what he feels, his happiness, his ideas, what problem he faces at school, at the playground or in his studies. After listening, guide him with a workable solution. (You have already seen how well Aayush connects with my Mom because she spends time with him.)
- Use a respectful and a firm tone to talk to your child and give instructions. Your tone should be such that there is no space for negotiation. Say “Pick up your toys” or “Switch off the TV” in a firm voice rather than “Will you pick up the toys or switch off the TV?”
- Be reasonable with your expectations; whether they are too hard for your child to follow. For example, “Pick up all your toys and sit down to study”. This is really hard for a toddler to obey. Instead, ask him to pick up his toys. Once he does this, then tell him to study.
- Give a reasonable amount of time to the kids to comply with what you say. Don’t expect your child to obey in one go. You may have to repeat your commands until the child learns what he ought to do.
- Don’t pamper your child. Otherwise, both you and your child have to face its side-effects.
- Don’t shout or yell at your child to make him listen. He will ignore it.
- Don’t give lectures to your child over disobedience. He won’t give any importance to it and will further neglect you. Better use a single word or one line to remind him what he needs to do.
- Beating or hitting or punishment is the last resort for the parents to make the child listen to them. However, this idea is a failure because: Firstly, it teaches the child it’s OKAY to hit when others don’t listen to you. So, it will inculcate aggressive behaviour in the child and he will hit his peers or even elders. Secondly, the child may give in to your wishes for a moment due to the fear of punishment, but this isn’t really obedience. Nor it teaches the value of listening to the parents.
- Don’t give commands; rather explain to them why you want them to do so. “Unnecessary TV wastes electricity and leads to high bills” works better than “Switch off the TV”.
- Don’t impose anything on the child because you want to. Think about what is right for your child before taking any step.
The situation: After playing, Aayush leaves his toys spread across the room. He never picks and keeps them back in the cupboard.
His mother: She tells Aayush to pick up his toys a dozen times, but he never listens. Sometimes, she also shouts at him but fails. And ultimately, she has to pick up his toys and keep them in the cupboard.
My Mom: When Aayush comes to our home for playing, my Mom just says one line “Aayush, pick up your toys and keep them there when you go home.” However, she says this before Aayush begins to play and also reminds him again after playing. After one week of doing so, (telling him daily) my Mom didn’t have to say anything. Now, Aayush picks up and keeps the toys himself.
There is no different opinion about it. Today’s kids are smart and they have a different childhood than what we had. But, if the parents work hard and keep patience, they can get their kids to listen to them without yelling or hitting.
I am convinced that it’s no big deal on how to deal with a child that doesn’t listen. My Mom is actually right about how to get kids to listen without yelling. What about you?
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